I knew I was in a tornado when, standing at my bathroom window, I saw two of our large 50 ft trees go down as if they were twigs. Our home was hit by a tornado on October 20, 2019. According to the tornado tracking on the news that evening, it was not supposed to head our way, but it did. My husband and I huddled together absorbing what we could and knowing this would be one of the tragedies of our lives.
After it was over, shock set in as we surveyed the damage. Our yard was a mixture of home parts, broken branches and trunks of about 45 trees. Windows were broken and tree limbs were pressing on the panes. I did not think about giving myself compassion at that time. However as I reflected back on that evening in October, there was compassion present though, perhaps not noticed in all the rubble.
Over the next few weeks I experienced, and had awareness of the many blessings that are always there for us if we can see them. The first was the call from friends wanting to come and get us. And, when we told them it was useless due to the lack of access, chose to come and get us anyway. Our dogs were okay, and we were okay. The second was seeing friends already at our home the following day with chain saws working to cut up the trees and drag them away so we could access our cars and our doors. The third was when I looked at the total devastation of the street and first had the sinking feeling that my home was in the middle of what looked like a war zone and realizing I was gaining a tiny spark of insight for all those in the world who live with this as their constant reality. The next was the offer of help from people who knew me from work but who had never met me that helped us get the repair of our home started quickly, done with a good heart and talented skills. Another was seeing my neighborhood pull together sharing information to help each other with whatever was needed. Compassion was freely given and received.
I have an emotional connection to the MSC 8-week curriculum. I love the depth of the course, the transformation I had upon taking the class for myself and now in the participants who take it from me. I’m continually soothed by the meditations and stimulated by the exercises. I’ve gained new appreciation for the 8th class; engaging life with gratitude. I’ve gone through several phases of acceptance and emotional adjustment to the tragedy of October 2019. I’m now ready to share the experience and hope that it helps others in some way. I took pictures for several weeks as houses were razed, and clean-up started as a way of tracking the journey. Recently I was ready to paint a picture of that journey. I’m not a painter; I only do it for fun. But I’m including it with this blog post because both writing and painting were part of the healing process. Please take it for what it is – an amateur trying to capture an internal experience in which self-compassion was vital!
Denette Mann, Certified MSC Teacher
Painting by Denette Mann, LPC-S
