I live without trees now. That’s a bit of an exaggeration if I’m factual; it’s absolutely true if I’m speaking from my heart. A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about the tornado that hit my home and the blessings that came with that experience. This is about a terrible loss I feel that isn’t going away. I’m sharing this because it helps me heal but also to give others an opportunity to tune into their own personal losses and own them rather than, perhaps, trying not to notice them.
When my husband and I decided to buy our home there were many things I liked about it. It is in a small neighborhood which gives me a sense of community; living in a small area within this huge city. Secondly, I loved the trees. They had lights that at night gave us the most beautiful view of our yard. Before we officially owned the house, I took a friend to our new front porch and we looked at the trees and talked about how lovely the view and how happy I would be living here. I thought about how I would have these trees with me as long as I lived in the house.
Now that they are gone, I realize I began to take them for granted. I stopped being in awe every night when I looked outside. I took for granted the shade they provided and the coolness on hot days. I also realize that, when I lost all the trees, I lost a little piece of my soul. I can’t explain it, but it feels like a soul wound. I walk my sweet dogs every morning so I must face the expanse of the neighborhood loss – trees and houses – every day. And my soul is sad.
I am helped by the support and care of my husband, daughter and friends. I am helped by the self-compassion practices I have learned. Self-compassion is available whenever I need it; I don’t have to wait because I am available to myself. This morning Soothing Touch, later today maybe a Self-Compassion Break. I decide based on what I need. I will heal from living without trees.
Denette Mann, LPC-S, RPT-S
